...And spotting them
This article's meant to be a brief dialogue into the mechanisms that sometimes keep us stuck & today I've noticed a big goddamn pattern with a client that's kept him stuck for entirely too long!
This client was dating a woman a good while back, and she has pretty well persisted in his life in an ongoing way for a couple of years now because he doesn’t want to do the work to separate himself from her fully. Instead, he’s living life
with resistance bands around his ankles, chest & heart and I don’t love it for him.
((something, something, maybe listen to your worker…I digress, but **frustration noises!**))
While I am working with Deity, I am spotting more and more of that pattern and have recently articulated it to him. I’m sharing it here in the hopes that people who are going through similarly abusive situations can spot their own patterns in
their own lives and make the changes necessary to be happier and to live easier, more enjoyable lives.
I’m going to call this person [Jonathan], as while this is definitely not his name, we all know a John and this can totally be a helpful “dear John letter”. 😁
So John gets a blessing and things get better, and then his ex notices and does ritual work to drag him back because she can’t tolerate the idea of him leaving and not having her babies. Go figure, he is a literal male Adonis and she’s missing out! ((Maybe treat him better next time??))
Now, she’s gotten to the point where she can’t actually take his blessings because my work is GENERALLY pretty damn bombproof. Instead, she has decided to work against his trauma that he also doesn’t want to work at, in effect blinding him to his blessings by using his fear against him. Now that he’s in the space and he’s being actively gaslit by a combination of his own headspace and his fear, he can’t take advantage of those clearly manifest blessings ((like getting a well-paying side gig that is literally perfect for him to have stability while letting him also engage in entrepreneurial endeavors!))
As a result, that blindness to the really happy things that are going on in his life is keeping him in a scarcity mindset when the scarcity he’s afraid doesn’t actually objectively exist FOR HIM right now. It is quite literally down to him choosing what he asks for, and he’s been tricked-by-conditioning into not asking for enough…. Big problem!
This then leads to this incredibly difficulty emotional circumstance in which he is super attached to one outcome while simultaneously believing that he cannot actually have and materialized that thing. And the extra shitty part is that it’s all elective. He doesn’t need to go through this at all, but since he has trouble spotting the pattern and doesn’t want to spot the pattern because then that exposes him to risk by & through things changing, he’s resistant. John is affectively worsening his own life rather than making a handful of very easy changes that will drastically improve his life for the better within about six months.
Does this sound like anything y’all might be going through? If it does, I really hope that spotting this pattern through reading this blog post is helpful to you! Please, let me know about it if this helps, as feedback like this directly influences what content I create & share with you.
I’m already offering one on one tutoring for clients who have asked for it, and now I’m trying to figure out how to better offer & make accessible those tutoring services to more folx! If this is helpful, it would really help me if you let me know! Please feel free to send me an email!
Be blessed, I hope this is helpful!
-Chris
PS: My thanks to Borborophorba for Her help in this & other matters!
This article's meant to be a brief dialogue into the mechanisms that sometimes keep us stuck & today I've noticed a big goddamn pattern with a client that's kept him stuck for entirely too long!
This client was dating a woman a good while back, and she has pretty well persisted in his life in an ongoing way for a couple of years now because he doesn’t want to do the work to separate himself from her fully. Instead, he’s living life
with resistance bands around his ankles, chest & heart and I don’t love it for him.
((something, something, maybe listen to your worker…I digress, but **frustration noises!**))
While I am working with Deity, I am spotting more and more of that pattern and have recently articulated it to him. I’m sharing it here in the hopes that people who are going through similarly abusive situations can spot their own patterns in
their own lives and make the changes necessary to be happier and to live easier, more enjoyable lives.
I’m going to call this person [Jonathan], as while this is definitely not his name, we all know a John and this can totally be a helpful “dear John letter”. 😁
So John gets a blessing and things get better, and then his ex notices and does ritual work to drag him back because she can’t tolerate the idea of him leaving and not having her babies. Go figure, he is a literal male Adonis and she’s missing out! ((Maybe treat him better next time??))
Now, she’s gotten to the point where she can’t actually take his blessings because my work is GENERALLY pretty damn bombproof. Instead, she has decided to work against his trauma that he also doesn’t want to work at, in effect blinding him to his blessings by using his fear against him. Now that he’s in the space and he’s being actively gaslit by a combination of his own headspace and his fear, he can’t take advantage of those clearly manifest blessings ((like getting a well-paying side gig that is literally perfect for him to have stability while letting him also engage in entrepreneurial endeavors!))
As a result, that blindness to the really happy things that are going on in his life is keeping him in a scarcity mindset when the scarcity he’s afraid doesn’t actually objectively exist FOR HIM right now. It is quite literally down to him choosing what he asks for, and he’s been tricked-by-conditioning into not asking for enough…. Big problem!
This then leads to this incredibly difficulty emotional circumstance in which he is super attached to one outcome while simultaneously believing that he cannot actually have and materialized that thing. And the extra shitty part is that it’s all elective. He doesn’t need to go through this at all, but since he has trouble spotting the pattern and doesn’t want to spot the pattern because then that exposes him to risk by & through things changing, he’s resistant. John is affectively worsening his own life rather than making a handful of very easy changes that will drastically improve his life for the better within about six months.
Does this sound like anything y’all might be going through? If it does, I really hope that spotting this pattern through reading this blog post is helpful to you! Please, let me know about it if this helps, as feedback like this directly influences what content I create & share with you.
I’m already offering one on one tutoring for clients who have asked for it, and now I’m trying to figure out how to better offer & make accessible those tutoring services to more folx! If this is helpful, it would really help me if you let me know! Please feel free to send me an email!
Be blessed, I hope this is helpful!
-Chris
PS: My thanks to Borborophorba for Her help in this & other matters!