Shame, ironically, is its own extension of anger for just that reason. When its allowed to run the show, it creates a limbic response that causes us to freeze for a moment, flash back on the psychic heartwound, and then, if we are unskilled in our internal navigation, it becomes wrath-as-a-means-to-control. In essence, the person in front of us, if they've wounded us with shame, tends to then become the target of our rage as a means of taking control once more.
When someone needs to control the narrative instead of the outcome of the person's behavior and its impact on community, that desire for validation-by-violence mentioned above ends up rotting the fruit of the tree, working against your own emancipation rather than for it, because it wasn't ever actually the thing that you needed seen or corroborated. Instead, it furthers the shame by reminding the person, when they see their results, that they are a bad person...that they've sinned in some way.
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CONVERSELY, if you are using wrath skillfully in moments of shame and hurt, its generally done after the shame and hurt has passed. When you're no longer trying to control the narrative or story being told, and you are instead working against the harm inflicted by this person and what they represent, that's the point at which you're able to wield destructive magick more skillfully.
This points us to a core tenet of Buddhist practices, Vajrayana and Dharma: wrath was never the enemy. Wielding shame like a knife was. Pristine Awareness is more about manifesting change with these emotions, that way you and the world around you can grow, too.
If you insist on growth for another while denying it for yourself, that feeds a hungry ghost and takes you to the charnel grounds of yourself as a manifestation of your own hurts. When people talk about curses coming back on oneself, that's the mechanism. Its not that harm is an issue - its mindless, skill-less harm that does more of the same. This magick is powerful, pointed, and important to recognize, and love spells follow a similar process.
More on that later, particularly for my Patreon subscribers who'll be treated to further discourse on the subject.
-Tea