As of late, I have received a lot of requests to do work to reconcile lovers, fix relationships, teach exes lessons, and so on and so forth. It has become readily apparent that few people really "get" how relationships work and are more comfortable hiring a spirit worker to fix their screw ups than they are with taking responsibility for their own actions. This is a pretty big catch 22, at that, as part of fixing a dorked up relationship is taking responsibility for one's own actions. Given the complex nature of relationships and the issues we create and run into, this post may come off as harsh or unpleasant. If you are emotionally immature and/or you're easily offended, this is not the post for you, as I intend to speak on illusions we create and whatnot.
That said, to start, this post is not intended as admonishment against those who have contacted me. Nor is this intended as a slight against those who do seek such help with others. This post is simply another "helpful rant" on the subject of relationships.
Now, keep in mind that I come at this topic from a totally different point of view than most. I have had my fair share of screwed up relationships, and I recently got out of a rather dead-end marriage with someone who wasn't able to digest this very information and act on it. That having been said, I'd like to preface this with the fact that I am not the norm as far as American relationships go: I am unabashedly polyamorous and polyfidelitous. That is to say that I prefer multiple partners whom I am devoted to.
As such, I've become accustomed to dealing with multiple sources of drama insofar as I have often used magic to help others see where they screwed up, bettered communication, helped to resolve daddy issues and the like, and all other measures of social and romantic screwedupedness.
Another way in which my experience differs from the norm is that I am also a kinkster; for the past 6+ years, all of my relationships have been Master/slave relations. That has, in many ways, complicated things and brought out the best and worse in people. Its caused me to learn, intimately, why and how people come to do what they do. Alongside my studies of psychology and sociology, this very activity has caused me to learn, rapidly, why people do what they do.
You see, we are rather screwed up creatures who have a nasty tendency to become more and more screwed up as time goes on. There's so much programming and mental malware that gets imparted into us that we are kings and queens of doing stupid shit that causes us problems. So very often we spend our lives immersed in a web of lies that affords us the illusion of comfort in the idea that we are perfect, or at the very least, not in the wrong.
That's where our views diverge from reality and Truth, and its also where we often get stuck and repeat the same mistakes. In order to stop the behavior, it requires self-reflection and hard work.
With that said, the first area to address is that of relationships that are doomed to fail at the start. So often, nowadays, do women and men seek out partners for themselves who fit the role of a thug or a slut or some other such thing; this is a fundamental issue that will screw your relationships up from day 1.
Ladies, I am speaking to you: stop going after men that you think you can change. I'll say it again: stop going after men that you think you can change. I really hope I don't need to repeat myself a third time, but with that said, you're trying to change the intimately-held values (or lack thereof) that an individual holds, and they've got too much invested in being a prick or loser. If you want to have a long-standing relationship with someone who treats you well and actually cares, look for a man who shows you respect and treats you well from day one. Science has shown that relationships wherein the woman is thinner than the male partner are significantly more likely to succeed, so while he might not look like a body builder, that silly crap does not matter 10 years down the road; he won't look like that later.
Now, men, its your turn: stop going after emotionally unavailable sluts who've been used up and tossed aside. I'm sure we all want a well-meaning slut, but if you pick up a gal at a bar, she's not going to be your lady for the long haul. Look for someone who dresses modestly, is reasonably attractice, and is someone that you really care about. If she makes you laugh, turns you on, and can hold an intelligent conversation that doesn't turn into an hour-long monologue about how wonderful her new clothes softener is, she's probably the one you want to go with.
This same information applies, more or less, to transgendered folks, gays, bisexuals, hermaphrodites, and so on and so forth. The secret to happiness from the get-go is simply acceptance. If you seek someone that you can grow with, you're more likely to be happy in the long term, which means that you won't need to dial me up and ask for help. That's a good thing!
That, of course, leads to the topic of already failed relationships, as it is a common topic of my consultations. What to do about them? Well, in my experience, its damned near impossible to fix a relationship that's already dead and buried; which is to say that if your ex has moved on, you should too. There's a reason that everything went kaput, and while magic can certainly be used to rekindle the relationship, that's rarely a good idea. Every time I've done that sort of work and been successful, things have been great for a short while and then someone screwed things up again and life turned miserable. Magical work is all well and good, but people eventually fall back into their old habits and screw things up again. If your relationship was dorked to hell before I got involved, and then I get involved and help you fix things, go see a counselor after the fact and get help. You will need it, regardless of what you might think going into that relationship again. Once-failed relationships always have left over hurt, anguish and pain from losing or almost losing the other partner, and that's the sort of stuff that really does need to get addressed before it rears its ugly little head again. Tackle those problems before they become giant, fire-breathing hydras with attitude or otherwise those problems are going to take a hell of a lot of magic and counseling to fix.
That said, the above leads me to speaking on the topic of failing relationships wherein one or more parties are unhappy or frustrated. In times like those, a structured approach is necessary. You have to learn to communicate your needs, desires, and frustrations fairly. Don't turn your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or wife into your enemy and whatever you do, don't be an adversarial jerk about it! If you are, you won't actually fix anything; instead, its highly likely that you will cause more trouble rather than resolve anything. This may well not be a palatable topic, but sometimes its really as simple as giving your man a blowjob from time to time.
We all have our perceived needs and wants, after all. Men, generally, want more sex, wish to have their ego stroked, and, all-in-all, just wish to be recognized for their efforts. Women, usually, want the same thing, but instead of sex, they crave massages, attention, and really, just want to matter to their partner. When you think about it, our needs really aren't that different; we just need to endeavor to communicate effectively, sans insults and other nonsense of that nature.
Once your partner's needs have been communicated, act upon them. This is incredibly important, because if you don't, you will cause further damage and frustration; doing so doesn't help anyone.
As an aside, finally we come around, again, to getting into new relationships by and through magical work. Really, this is not something I see any issue with doing, though I would suggest that you cast a wide net to ensure that the Powers That Be can bring to you an ideal mate that can help you to grow.
Relationships are not always meant, however, to be lifelong things. Sometimes that's a quaint idea that we cling to because we, secretly or not, hate change. In today's global climate, its becoming fairly rare for people to stay together for 30, 40, or 50 years. We all think that'll happen when we get started, but realistically, if that occurs, you're the odd couple out. That being said, protect yourself going into the relationship. Ensure that you and your SO sit down and discuss prenuptial agreements and other such things to ensure that the split, if it occurs, is amiable and something the both of you can live with.
Divorces are nasty business, so if you get married, be prepared for it. Given the experiences I've been having on that front, I can't say that its something I would do again. That is what's right, at this time, for me, however. If your partner pressures you into getting married, sit down and discuss it, as it is a major life choice. Be certain that you are getting married for the right reasons, and not just because he or she is afraid that you're going to leave. If that's the motivation behind the choice, its probably a bad decision.
Finally, I'd like to thank you all for reading this and reward you by posting a usable working to help you to figure out what you're doing both wrong and right in your relationships. This working is intended to help you and your partner so that everyone's happy and pleased.
So, to use this method, print the below sigil out and place in front of you in a way that is conducive to using it as an appropriate mental focus. On the left and right sides of the sigil, light one red candle and one pink candle, respectively; you may anoint these with oils that center around love and learning. If you feel the need to use herbs, do so.
As you sit comfortably and stare at this sigilic focal point, breathe in and out slowly and comfortably, and when you feel situated, begin to focus on taking nine slow breaths that cleanse you and prepare you for the working. Once completed, repeat the following thrice:
"Above and below, around and round
I call, command, and conjure: love abounds
Spark within me self-knowledge and growth
For the benefit of me and mine, both
Show to me my problematic traits
Such that I may address them at my pace
Bind me to my necessary evolution
And help me achieve my love solution"
Meditate quietly upon these words, allowing the digestion of this verse. Once complete, quietly and calmly stand, say a prayer of thanks, and offer water to those assisting you. Let the candles burn down as you go about your day.
I do hope that this assists you in finding what it is that you need and seek.